Lessons From Looking Back

The past year was an incredible year. It was an incredible, yet hard year. To say the least.

In just 365 days, A LOT has happened in my life. A lot of good and a lot of difficult. Nothing I couldn’t get through, but I’ll be honest some days were extremely hard.

I go back and forth in my head about what the difference is between a hard day and a day where I feel good; and often I battle with the thoughts of “are these things actually difficult for someone to go through?” or “am I over exaggerating?” Many days, the line is blurred. I’m not sure if I’m over exaggerating, or really struggling. And I think that’s part of the problem. I get so caught up in the logical part of going through something that I think my way into a deeper hole. I create a bigger issue by thinking more into what’s going on in front of me, instead of allowing myself to feel something for a second.

A poet, Cleo Wade, wrote in her book Heart Talk something along the lines that we have to allow ourselves to feel the emotions that come along in order to heal ourselves. There’s no time limit or right way to do it, it all depends on what’s best for you.

I believe there’s a thin line between allowing ourselves to feel emotions and dwelling in those emotions. I don’t see an issue with allowing yourself the freedom to feel emotions as a means to get through something you’re struggling with. It’s about having and securing a sense of self-confidence in a way, a self-awareness that you know you’ll bounce back once you feel what you need to feel. Often times, as humans, we get caught up in the dwelling which is where things might get a little dangerous for our well-being.

I think for me, I dug a hole with dwelling. I dug a hole for myself by not allowing myself to properly heal from experiences/changes that I deal with and that I’ve dealt with in my life. Especially all of the changes 2018 brought.

Aside from the difficulties and the hard parts of life and whatever those “difficulties” may be for you, there’s a lot of great things and lessons that often get overlooked. Perhaps, certain lessons only follow a tough time for you. I believe in those. I believe in the power of good; I believe that everything happens for a reason. And I believe in the power of love. I think that’s where I was lacking in this past year, as ironically as it may seem. I was lacking a lot of love that came from within. I struggled maintaining love, and I allowed myself to feel sorry and self pity, rather than just feeling what I needed to feel and grow stronger from it. Every circumstance is going to bring a different reaction, but I want to keep working on love being my constant answer.

I’m not perfect, and neither are you. No one is, and that’s the best part. Every day we’re constantly making mistakes and failing and struggling FOR A REASON. You’re not weak because you cry. You’re not strong because you ignore your feelings. I am constantly needing to remind myself of the few things below

2018 Lessons

• Everything happens for a reason; your plan might not match up with God’s plan and that’s okay. It is written out already, trust in it.
• Make peace within yourself before you look to make peace anywhere else.
• Travel. Alone, With close friends. With loved ones. You won’t regret it.
• Prepare yourself, but allow yourself to enjoy the spontaneity of life. “Plans” are better to disguise as goals and aspirations, but loosen your grip a bit.
• A bitter heart won’t produce the love you and the people around you deserve.
• Kindness and love always win.
• We are humans. We are similar, yet none of us are the exact same. Allow others to be themselves, just as you want others to do for you.
• If something is important to you, you make it work, you put in the effort, and you don’t make excuses.
• Honesty is the ticket to a free conscious and clearer view. Be honest with yourself, be honest with others.
• Not everyone is going to be in your corner all the time. No matter what your relationship is with them, however that doesn’t mean you can’t keep the same energy with them and vice versa. Disagreements should not be bond-breaking. What breaks a bond is our reaction to a disagreement. Answer with hostility, and the relationship may tarnish. Answer with love and the relationship may grow stronger.

Okay…now what?

2018 was tough, but I was still lucky enough to live through it. At the end of the day (or year) there’s still A LOT I have to be grateful for. I think that’s sometimes all we need to focus on when reflecting. I think instead of trying so hard to pick ourselves up, we have to let go of control a bit. We need to let go of frustrations and tensions by letting the uncontrollable things play out. We need to give ourselves a little more credit. Take care of yourself, talk to yourself with love. Breathe. Remind yourself of the good and look for the good.

If there’s one thing to take away from this post, I hope it’s that you are deserving of a good year, and a good life. And that YOU are in charge of that; no one else.

Work hard to refrain from giving someone the power to make you feel undeserving or unworthy. You hold the power to those feelings. Words hurt, but your self-love has to be stronger than that. Love is stronger than hate.

Moving Forward

Start 2019 with a positive outlook, then work everyday to maintain it. Something I learned from author Jon Gordon, is choosing a word or a few words to live by and focus on for the year. My first word is LOVE.

I will work to lead with love and kindness in all circumstances possible.

I will treat myself with love.

I will treat others with love.

I won’t be afraid to express the love I have living within.

Thus, I will be spreading love.